If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
