I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
