hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
zippers are such a cool invention
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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