Do you still have your period?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
