I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
