wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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