just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
