I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
