It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
