apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just invented taco cereal.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
