I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
