She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
