I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize
