his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
