After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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