dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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