U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
