Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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