my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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