I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If I die, sorry about rent.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
