Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
