I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
