Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
