i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Randomize
