I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
