dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
