Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
...so i touched it.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
