he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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