Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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