you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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