I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
