you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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