their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
