i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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