Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He passed out mid-signature
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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