I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
