All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
