theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just had sex on a roof
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
