went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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