This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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