Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
