I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
