Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
