She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
