if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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