ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
