Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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