love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
