it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
