I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
